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Rules for Anchorites

Letters from Proxima Thule

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The Bear Diet

Scenes from a rainy Sunday:

I talked to my mother-in-law (Tatyana) on Skype today. My father-in-law (Vadim) is visiting and since they were robbed the last time they both came up, she elected to stay at home with the Jack Russell Terrierist.

I had not mentioned my weight loss to them, and so when I came on Skype, Tatyana was quite shocked to see what I look like now. (In a good way!) She asked what I had done to lose the weight (P.S. I have a ways to go yet, process is far from over, but I’ve come a long way and she hasn’t seen me in a year, so it’s pretty dramatic) and I told her the various bits and pieces of changes in my life, the app I use, etc. Finally came to the dairy thing.

Me: So it turns out I’m allergic to dairy, which I didn’t know until last year, but I guess I have been for a long time, which is why I felt sick a lot. So I don’t eat dairy anymore. That actually helps a lot.

She nodded. All cool. About fifteen minutes later, I hear the rest of the exchange from justbeast, which went on in Russian after I signed off.

Tatyana: What is Cat doing with her diet? She is only eating berries now? That is not healthy.

Vadim: (Awesomely deadpan) No, you heard it wrong. She is now eating only bear.

Most badass diet, and father-in-law, ever.

Mirrored from cmv.com. Also appearing on @LJ and @DW. Read anywhere, comment anywhere.

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She is now eating only bear.

OMG. *love*

I understand bear is pretty good stuff, actually....

It tends to be a bit greasy but otherwise it is delicious. I recommend grinding it with some moose to make awesome burgers.

I have a recipe in my '64 Joy of Cooking if you want it...

Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you..... your father-in-law is a man made of pure win.

This makes me want to watch My Big Fat Russian Wedding again.
Yeah, you just think it was about greeks.

I was married to a Greek when I first watched it, but no. Now I know better.

In Soviet Russia, bear eats you.

But this is not Soviet Russia!

The worst is when you want a snack in the middle of the night and have to fight a grizzly in the kitchen.

Mighty warrior, russian family... ?

You are a Klingon named Worf, and I claim my five pounds.

This is precisely the kind of exchange my Russian in-laws would have. PRECISELY.

sadly, bear is soooo hard to get in Australia. Koalas don't count.

A regular visitor to our family seder always regales us with his bear hunting stories. He is in fact, Russian, and would probably be very happy to be your regular procurer for bears if you manage to go through the supply on your small island home. ;)

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Bwahahahahaha! Fantastic!

I know a bear hunter in Maine. She uses doughnuts covered in syrup. Sounds suspiciously like pinterest food to me.

I get to see you in a month! And I'm gonna hug the bear-eating crap out of you.

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