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From the "You're Not Helping" Files
perfect girls
You know, I hate to say this, from one woman to another, one artist to another. It's not a respectful thing to say, and to some extent I want to be respectful to people who inspire, challenge, and act out.

But for the love of spangles, shut up, Lady Gaga.

From an interview in the Japanese magazine, Giselle:

Lady Gaga declares she is bisexual as she appears on the cover of Japanese magazine Giselle. The 'Pokerface' singer appears on the latest issue of the publication with her hair in her trademark bow. Inside she says she could easily get with a girl but looks for relationships with men. "I am bisexual," she says. "I can go out with girls but in my opinion, love and sex are different."

My eyes went a little crossed when I read that. That is not coming out as bisexual. That's playing to the same old stupid shit of tee hee, I kissed a girl, but I only want to marry you, big boy.

I know Gaga is a gay icon and all, and most female gay icons are actually totally straight. But I don't feel that saying you could never have a real relationship with a woman and don't even look for them means you get to stick a bisexual banner on your bra and march at the head of the Pride Parade as some kind of queer sexual revolutionary. If you only want relationships with men--and she's not only saying she's only had relationships with men in the past, but only looks for them with men now, and could never love a woman--well, you know, I have a hard time seeing what's so thrillingly queer about that.

And you know, bisexual women have quite a hard enough time being accepted as a legitimate sexuality in this world without people grabbing the label (people who through wealth and fame have elevated themselves out of any culture that would bring them negative consequences for it) and then giggling that girls are cute and all, but they're not exactly husband-material, amirite?

We have a hard enough time getting relationships between women acknowledged and counted. We have a hard enough time being taken seriously as women not actually performing for the arousal of men. We have a hard enough time being in any relationship at all--date a man and you're not gay enough, date a woman and you're probably just doing it for attention. You know, til a real man comes along. We have a hard enough time without one of the most vocal and self-sexualized figures in pop culture saying shit like that. It's not edgy. It doesn't make you anymore hardcore, punk rock, awesome or liberated than Katy Perry singing that awful song.

There's no respect in saying you're bisexual and wrapping it up in a big bow that reads: maybe if I'm drunk enough I'll touch her boobs but I'm going home with a dude.

For some of us, coming out has consequences, and is difficult, and brave. For some of us, Pride is so hard to come by. Thanks for making that cheap, Gaga.

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I get what you're saying. In the past, I have said some kind of awful things (unintentionally and thoughtlessly) to my bi and poly friends, due to the kind of impressions one gets from having the most vocal and public faces to which one is exposed give the appearance of being the least genuine.

It took living with a poly couple who weren't drama mongers or proselytizers to get that even if I can't live that way myself, some people do without harm or unhapiness. It took watching friends fall in and out of love with different genders to realize that "bi" could mean more than drunk college boob-touching.

Basically, it took ten times as long to undo a negative misapprehension, because the people quietly getting on with their lives are less visible.

Edited at 2010-07-02 05:00 pm (UTC)

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