April 6th, 2010


In Which I Am Inferior to Sydney Bristow

So we were watching Alias last night and Sydney Bristow was, I don't know, stealing something or whatever, and she was running around and defusing bombs and her glasses were locking picking thingies and all I could think was:

Good god I'm lazy.

I mean, that just seems like so much effort. So much running and so many wigs and punching people. I mean, I got up at 9 this morning and made borscht and pickled peppers and watched some Bones while I cast on a new shawl for my mother and it's not even noon but I feel I've been very productive! And I haven't even cut the blue wire or anything. Later I plan to organize my yarn. I know I'm on vacation and all but I feel that when Sydney Bristow is on vacation, she still kills like three guys to just keep in practice.

Even when I'm working my hardest, I just sit at my computer all day. And I write ten thousand words and wow, that seems like a lot, but Sydney Bristow derailed a train and punched some more people and spoke German and seduced an attache (but in a chaste way, and she cried about it after) and she did it in a nice suit and I don't even have a nice suit. Surely Sydney Bristow doesn't blog or read gossip sites. That would be a waste of time when you've got a schedule like hers. And she goes to graduate school! She must get up very early.

On this other show called Dead Like Me, one of the characters ran a webcast called Getting Things Done With Dolores, and her fans would watch her on webcam as she accomplished things around the house, and feel very accomplishy themselves, vicariously. But then they would also get things done themselves, because she inspired them. The show treated this as weird, as with most things internet when TV gets ahold of it and peers at it and shakes it like an old fish. I think it's awesome. We use the phrase Getting Things Done With (Fill in the Blank--Koshechka, Dmitri, etc) all the time. I feel Getting Things done is an Arcane and deep magic, which sometimes I can access/summon, and sometimes I can't. Maybe I just need a better scriptwriter and/or Dolores.

I mean, I've referenced three television shows here, so I guess you could say I consume too much media to be a Sydney Bristow. Though I never just watch TV. I knit or make jewelry or blog while I do it. But I can't even imagine getting up in the morning with as much to do as Sydney Bristow has. And I work pretty damn hard, really. But I'm like a lion--bursts of furious energy punctuated with long periods of rest. And I don't know how to slide down an elevator shaft. Though I'm pretty sure I speak better Russian than she does.

Yes, yes, she's a fictional character. But surely there are real spies, and I'm just saying, they are very motivated people, and I would like a turkey sandwich for lunch.
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The Good and the Bad

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that I am now the fiction and poetry editor for Apex Magazine. We'll reopen to submissions in June, with August as my first issue. I'm very excited about this, and I hope you'll submit. I'll do my best to give better than one line rejections and I'll definitely be blogging about what I learn in the process of learning to be an editor.

The bad news is: I can't make it to Wiscon this year.

This sucks, and I am aware of it. I had planned to go. And then Fairyland was nominated for the Norton, which awards are taking place in Florida just ten days before the con and are astronomically expensive. And then Palimpsest was nominated for the Lambda, which awards are taking place Thursday night during the con in New York. And BEA is that same week. And finally, I have the final draft of a novel due June 1st. 

This year has in part been about learning that I am not a superhero, and I cannot actually be everywhere and do everything.

We are out of money on this front--to be honest, Readercon may have to go, too. The problem is that I am also out of energy. I have been running at full tilt for more than a year with no rest. Y'all may not have done the math, but I wrote three novels in five months there, and got married and before that I was touring the whole country, and I am in the extreme exhaustion zone. I also have some physical issues that I can't deal with until the insurance kicks in, so I feel safe in saying: I just don't have the spoons.

I hate this, because Wiscon is my home con and I love it. I never ever miss it. It is one of the best things in my life, and important to my heart, and I hate that I won't get to see my friends or take part this time. But I will break myself if I keep running at this speed. And then there will be no more books for anyone. I have to take care of myself. I have to rest. I can either push myself until I can't anymore, or I can recognize that my mind and body aren't ok.

I'll be at Wiscon next year. In fact, we'll be launching Fairyland at Wiscon, so I plan to have a room party and everything. I'll try never to miss it again. But I have to this year, and I hope you'll all understand and still love me in the morning.

This does mean I have two memberships and two dessert tickets to sell if anyone wants them. Please do let me know.