July 26th, 2009

no face

GGG

There's always something. Something that turns your lover all warm and fuzzy inside and you just kind of don't get off on at all. Something they fixated on before you even got there. Something that's part of their core and damned if you're going to be able to talk them out of wanting it.

Sometimes you just refuse and work around it--it's just too abhorrent to you, and you can't do it with a straight face. Sometimes you give in, but you don't like it, and it's just this once, and be gentle, ok?

Sometimes, like the man Dan Savage says, you have to be GGG--good, giving, and game.

Last night, I did something for my lover that I never thought I could stomach. Because I love him. Because I want him to be happy.

I sang Evanescence.

Let's be clear here. I fucking hate Evanescence. Amy Lee is hot and all but her fake-emo slashed-wrist-bandage-chic-accessory overwrought mawkish bullshit makes me gag. God is Love but we're not a Christian band, tee-hee! It's like the worst, most intolerable bits of a bunch of other singers I like (ok, mostly the worst bits of Tori Amos) mushed together with some asshole rapping in the background. GAH. And the fake bandages brandished like bracelets really piss me off. I hate it. And they only ever had one song worth listening to in the first place and since I was in the unfortunate state in 2003 of having no cassette or CD player in my car, I listened to a lot of punishable radio garbage, and that song got old really fast when played every five minutes. Evanescence makes my soul turn inward and start gnawing at itself to get free.

But, you know, we play a lot of Rock Band in this house. Especially lately, as I finally used the gift certificate I got for Christmas to download new songs. And there it was. Fucking Bring me to Life. And my boy was all: OMG! because he loves Evanesence in the whole-hearted, un-ironic way he loves everything and that makes him so very dear to this cynical, grouchy girl. So I said:

If you promise that this is the only Evanescence song we ever get, that you do not freak out and buy the whole Evanescence Pack of Emo, I will use my Christmas credit to download it and sing it for you right now.


I don't even think he knew I knew the song. I mean, he never listens to radio. But dude, they literally played that thing every quarter hour back then. I know the fucking song.

And because I love my partner I closed my eyes and gripped the mic and sang my heart out, not even a little-half-assed, belting out Amy Fucking Lee at 2 in the morning with all the gusto I habitually give to singing anything I actually love. I didn't sneer or laugh at the absolutely infantile goth-lite lyrics. I just reached down, hauled up my 16-year old everything is RUIN and BLACK and I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU self, and shook the bookcases with the Big Giant Voice I can still occasionally whip out.

Because sometimes, even if it isn't your kink, you just have to be GGG.

Like this one time when I actually was 16 and my boyfriend (without whom all was RUIN and BLACK) was a Trekkie and I figured out how to do a beehive and bought a red engineering mini...
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