January 17th, 2009

baby got hack

Mistress Cat's Guide to Wearing a Corset at a Con

1. Eat before you lace up.

Corsets smoosh your esophagus, and eating will range from weirdly uncomfortable to painful depending on how tight you're crammed in there. You don't swallow as fully. So eat before hand--not too much--and eat lots of very light meals throughout the day.

2. Have someone else strap you in.

No, you cannot do it yourself. Train a loved one in the ways of science.

3. Don't sit down unless absolutely necessary.

Standing is awesome and unappreciated. You'll appreciate it after sitting ramrod straight through a panel about how Anya is a good feminist role model NO REALLY.

4. A short course of yoga before putting it on and after taking it off is the key to success.

Limbers you up, stretches cramped muscles, relaxes you, centers you, and gives your body a rest/jumpstart. I'm not talking an hour. Just a basic sun salutation. Cobra + downward facing dog = awesome for post-corset achiness.

5. As far as possible, try to have a smooth line.

Most people lace for maximum cleavage. This is not actually the point of corsets. The cleavage will come. Try instead of a smooth line from armpit to hip, keeping your back straight and covered, and whatever excess flesh you don't want showing under the panels. If you do this, you will have cleavage that will not cause you to lose blood circulation. Many, many people r doin this wrong.

6. Life is too short for cheap corsets.

Invest in a good one. Cheap ones pinch, poke, and break, their bones bend out of shape, their fabric rubs bare. A corset is like a living thing--it evolves, it conforms to your body. If your only choice is a piece of crap, consider other sartorial choices. Your ribcage will thank you.

7. Feel thy hotness.

Because this shit is too much work if you're not going to work it.

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