undestructable

catvalente

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Hierarchy of Needs
undestructable
catvalente
August 19th, 2010
The What Do You Need entry is still going strong--and still getting replies, offers of help and advice--at almost 1000 comments. You guys are amazing. Have no doubt I am reading every comment, and offering what I can when I can, making what connections I can. Those of you who needed signal boosting--I'm going to ask you to reply to a second post because I can't keep it all straight with the deluge of comments. I'll then do a round up post so everyone gets linked to.

And you all have been so open and intimate and brave with what you need--I figure I should be brave too. But only at midnight on a Wednesday, when few enough will see.

1. I need local friends. This is really getting to me and making my life hard and I don't know how to fix it--I have exactly one friend in the area and he's busy most of the time. All my friends are distant. Add that to being on an island and it's so isolating, and my spirits get damn low. If anyone in the Portland, Maine area (I include Augusta, Portsmouth, and all points in between in that, and probably Bangor too) is geeky and friendly and wants to hang out, please comment. I do stuff other than write--knit, make glass and collages, play a very halting accordion, sail, grow things in my garden. I'm a neat person, I swear. It's been very hard to meet people and I can't live in a city where I don't know anyone forever. (But please...and this sucks to say, but if you just want to meet me to get writing advice or ask me to look at your manuscript, don't. I want real friendship, not someone who only cares for my connections. Just ask for that stuff here and I'm happy to share when I can.) The addendum to that is that I would love a local role playing group, like I had in Cleveland. But I don't ask for that, just for other humans who live near me.

2. I need more subscribers for the Omikuji Project. We've lost quite a few over the last couple of months and our housemates moved out so our expenses just went up quite a bit. This is a serious commitment for me and it can't survive without people who want to read it.

3. I need you all to know how beautiful and kind and special you all are. To forgive yourself for not being what you want to be yet--none of us are. We are all a work in progress, and we are all at different stages. It's ok. We are all going to be ok. We have each other, our chosen family, our tribe, and we take care of each other the best we can. I need you to keep on keeping on, and keep the faith, and keep each other going. I need you to smile, and know how very many of you there are just on this one single journal who want to help, who want to connect and share their world. I need you to keep that post going, for everyone who needs it, and I need you to never give up. I swear to you, it will all come out all right. We are undestructable, like the song says. Even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I love you, even if I've never met you.
( 173 comments — Write On My Skin )
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triskelmoon

2010-08-19 04:16 am (UTC)

*snugs you tight*

While I continue to be not-local, when we come for christmas, we should totally have an rpg short game. All three of us are players!
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caoil

2010-08-19 04:23 am (UTC)

If I lived in close enough proximity, I absolutely would come out to meet you & do fun things. I'm sure there are quite a number of us who feel that way!

...if you ever decide to move to the west coast of Canada, consider it a plan! You would be entirely safe, as I haven't a stitch of writing ability in me, just an appreciation for those who *can* write.
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shawnalenore

2010-08-19 04:24 am (UTC)

Thank you :) I had to cancel my subscription to omikuji a few months ago cause I just started grad school so money is tight right now. I wish I could help out and keep it going. I think I've actually still been getting your stories though. I don't want you to be sending out something you're no longer getting paid for. That's not fair. Just thought I should let you know.
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chisotahn

2010-08-19 04:25 am (UTC)

I don't think I can afford a year of Omikuji right now, but I'll gladly throw in for two months. :) That I can handle.

Thank you for doing this!
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catvalente

2010-08-19 04:27 am (UTC)

Thanks, I'll get on that.
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spartezda

2010-08-19 04:27 am (UTC)

To forgive yourself for not being what you want to be yet--none of us are.

Thank you. I needed to hear that tonight.
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kuangning

2010-08-19 04:33 am (UTC)

I miss Omikuji; I dropped out only because my job disappeared. If I can ever get employed again (or, y'know, if the paperwork's ever in order to get me to Australia so we can drop the second household) I will be back. I know that doesn't help at all now. :/
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drakos_inferno

2010-08-19 04:34 am (UTC)

I'm not local, but love the couple of times i've been through portland. I'll make a trip up if you're willing to show me around and let me be a geeky tourist.
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catvalente

2010-08-19 04:38 am (UTC)

Sure, just give me plenty of advance notice!
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clotho_lachesis

2010-08-19 04:43 am (UTC)

I can't tell you how often I have thought that I really, really wish that we lived closer to each other. I so rarely post comments, but I have laughed and cried over your posts, and my partner has become so accustomed to me reading them aloud to her that she knows the cadence of your voice through mine. So I wish for some kind of space portal, that opens up a channel between your little island and Charleston, SC, because I would love to hang out with you. I know just the kind of lonesomeness for friends of like minds and hearts who are also close by. I hope you find them.
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quennessa

2010-08-19 04:44 am (UTC)

*weeping*

Right back at you, Cat.
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brownkitty

2010-08-19 04:46 am (UTC)

I am interested in you for your contacts only on the reasoning that interesting and really cool people would be likely to know other interesting and really cool people.
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wldhrsjen3

2010-08-19 04:46 am (UTC)

I wish I had local friends, too. I live in a very rural area on a farm - as isolating in its own way, I think, as an island. I wish I had people to hang out with - people who understand my passion for books and horses and ballet and eclectic music. People who wouldn't judge me to know I'm a witch, who would support my decisions to homeschool without gossiping behind my back. I'm so incredibly grateful for the friends I do have, but they're spread across the country and... sometimes I'm lonely for authentic company. For someone to drink tea with. I wish I could help you with your needs, but for now I'll send hugs and sympathy and warm wishes that your needs are soon fulfilled. <3
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thera_flu

2010-08-20 02:25 pm (UTC)

Where do you live? (I read a bit of of your journal--hope that's ok) and it seems as if you might be close to me.

I live in rural north-western Kentucky; I've been here about a year, and while I have some friends, I stick out like a sore thumb after growing up in New Mexico and going to graduate school in California.
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Omikuji

sterling_raptor

2010-08-19 05:05 am (UTC)

YAY! I totally forgot about this and have money again.
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Local friends

marlowe1

2010-08-19 05:06 am (UTC)

Strange how I complain about my local friends and how I sometimes feel like an outsider because I live among Orthodox Jews who tend to be conservative in many areas political and otherwise. Not that I'm ostracized but sometimes my neighborhood feels like high school only instead of football players and cheerleaders, the pecking order rests with the doctors and lawyers (although I AM a business owner) - and any woman who seems to have the same morbid sense of humor or a similar perspective is the kind of woman I fall madly in love with because she is both similar enough and also in that same Orthodox Jewish world and it's harder to fall out of it because I don't believe that I can find other women like her in the herd of "I work for a Jewish non-profit" and "I don't watch movies" women. And how I can feel very lonely in this crowd at times.

And they really should get used to my blue hair by now.

It's odd to think that I do have local friends. Even if I usually only see them on Shabbos, there they are.
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Re: Local friends

catvalente

2010-08-19 05:17 am (UTC)

Dude, I cannot comprehend the I don't watch movies set.
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whatifoundthere

2010-08-19 05:13 am (UTC)

I've been having some anxiety about friendships, particularly local friendships, lately, so I really needed to hear this. Here's to the hope of sharing a glass in real-time soon, and here's to the joy of virtual glasses in the meantime.

How much extra does it cost to send Omikuji to Canada?
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catvalente

2010-08-19 05:18 am (UTC)

$1 extra a month.

I wish you lived closer!
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britmandelo

2010-08-19 05:27 am (UTC)

The local-friends problem is one that stabs at me regularly, too--unfortunately, I live in Louisville KY, so I cannot quite hang out. Definitely sympathize, though.
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qnofhrt

2010-08-19 05:31 am (UTC)

I found you through the music of SJ Tucker. I heard her sing "Firebird's Child" a little over a year ago and it had a huge impact on me. She explained the origins of the song. So I started reading your books. I even saw you (and Sooj) at Confusion this past year. The combination of your two creative talents is simply amazing.

I met Sooj because of Vixy & Tony, who are equally amazing and wonderfully creative folks. They were special guests at a con where Seanan Maguire was a GOH. Through Seanan, I also met Betsy Tinney, Brooke Lunderville and Amy McNally. I'm looking forward to meeting Alec when Tricky Pixie comes here to Chicagoland this fall.

You and this circle of wonderful creative people have given me hours of enjoyment from the books and music you've created and for that thanks aren't anywhere near enough. But one of the best things from these discoveries is the positive energies that all of you send out to the world in your writings and music. Though separated by miles, there is a true community of the heart.

And for once, I wish I lived on the east coast!
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catvalente

2010-08-19 05:34 am (UTC)

I am so happy to hear all this I can't tell you.
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Finch [dreamwidth.org]

2010-08-19 05:43 am (UTC)

Thank you for making that post. I can't bring myself to ask for anything right now, but reading all the help other people have offered made my day a little bit better when I really needed it.
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yond_cassius

2010-08-19 05:46 am (UTC)

I need local friends, especially local writers/bloggers, in the West Midlands in England.

And I need to work out how to get some extra money this year. I have a pretty bad mental health condition which means full or part time work outside the house isn't a possibility, I'm studying full time from home next year and trying to start a theatre company. I am contemplating selling some of my stuff (old clothes, larp kit, books, trying to freelance/do commissions and a couple of other things but I am incredibly unsure about how to go about any of those other than the selling stuff, and even not that fully.

But the friends thing is higher up, as I've spent a year quite socially isolated in a lot of ways.

Oh, and subscribed the Omikuji pdf. I'd like to subscribe to the letter, but don't think I can afford it right now.
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catvalente

2010-08-19 05:47 am (UTC)

I hope you like the pdf! Yay!
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b1bl10v0re

2010-08-19 06:15 am (UTC)

I totally understand how you feel about needing local friends, since I'm in a similar situation. If only I had a teleporter. I met you a few years back at Wicked and think you are an awesome person. :)

Subscribing to the Omikuji Project has been on my list of the top things to do once I find employment.

As for your third need. Thank you, that was something that I really needed to hear at this time.

*HUGS*
~Heather~
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catvalente

2010-08-19 06:26 am (UTC)

Oh? Man, it was so busy I hardly remember anything from Wicked...
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seeksadventure

2010-08-19 06:18 am (UTC)

I'm going to pass this post along to a friend in Portland. I think you guys would get along, based on both your blogs.
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cielamara

2010-08-19 06:22 am (UTC)

*sigh*

I wish I lived in Portland. Oh, how I loved that part of the country when I was there last summer. I cried halfway back to Raleigh.

If I move up there (well...not if, but when...)...wanna be friends? I think you're pretty neat.
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sprrwhwk

2010-08-19 06:32 am (UTC)

I need more subscribers for the Omikuji Project.

Thank you for the reminder! I just started the anthology, and it is *awesome*.
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malegrim

2010-08-19 06:58 am (UTC)

I totally hear you on the local friends thing. People go sailing off to parts unknown--sometimes you're the one who goes sailing off, sometimes other folks--and it's so hard to find new ones.

Unfortunately, I can't be much help from where I am... but if you're ever in South Bend, Indiana, drop me a line. (And I will do likewise should I find myself in Portland.)
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teenagewitch

2010-08-19 07:05 am (UTC)

I wish I lived in Portland but I am very very west of you near Seattle.
With school costs and the vacation my husbands parents are taking us on, we are pretty much broke until Jan but I will do my best to try to get it then.
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teenagewitch

2010-08-19 07:18 am (UTC)

One other thing. I will be your friend. I don't want writing advice, or to write anything. I love your books so I am willing to be called at three in the morning so you can shoot plot ideas off me and when you get lonely I will totally hop on IM and tell you about the wild crazy shit my kids are pulling to make you laugh.
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ormolu

2010-08-19 07:33 am (UTC)

I don't comment much... ah, maybe never. But I do enjoy your posts. This one in particular made me tear up. Thank you. I appreciate your warm spirit.
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( 173 comments — Write On My Skin )
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Here is where these lines become a confession in the presence of my unknown and unknowable me, unknown and unknowable for myself. Here is where I create the legend wherein I must bury myself.

--Miguel de Unamuno
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